The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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