Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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