Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
