so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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