He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
