take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
