i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
