There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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