Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
