I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
