These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You are a genius and a whore.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
