Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
