I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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