dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
