Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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