nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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