That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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