It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize