two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my liver is dry heaving
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