But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
