you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
