Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
