I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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