I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
