I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
