Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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