so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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