No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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