I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
