My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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