I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
