I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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