So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
