I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
