We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm both gender and math confused
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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