that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
