She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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