while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
