does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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