There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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