Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
