I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
