in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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