I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
