my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
