Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize