I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ladies don't puke and tell
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
