I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
