So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize