His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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