if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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