why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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