Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
