If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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