he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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