she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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