Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
