I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The adults are the big ones right?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
