He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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