It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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