none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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