Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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