you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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