What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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