Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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