Your face is a jimmy john
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
