dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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