My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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